{"product_id":"why-exercise-zombies-black-coffee-mug-funny-halloween-horror-gift-11oz-15oz","title":"Why Exercise? Zombies Black Coffee Mug — Funny Halloween Horror Gift (11oz\/15oz)","description":"\u003cp\u003eNothing motivates a workout quite like becoming someone else’s lunch. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"473\" data-end=\"500\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e“WHY EXERCISE? ZOMBIES”\u003c\/strong\u003e mug combines Halloween horror with a perfectly warped reminder that when the undead show up, you don’t necessarily have to outrun the zombies—you just have to outrun the other guy. Bright, bold, and ridiculous in all the right ways, it’s perfect for Halloween lovers, zombie fans, gym procrastinators, and anyone who prefers their morning coffee with a little dark humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBlack glossy 100% ceramic with vibrant color printing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in 11oz and 15oz sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMicrowave-safe and dishwasher-safe for easy use\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eC-shaped easy-grip handle; lead and BPA-free\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBold neon-green and dripping-red horror-themed print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClean in dishwasher (put the product on top rack), or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Completely Unnecessary Backstory\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGary had always believed exercise was one of those things invented by people who owned expensive sneakers and had suspiciously strong opinions about protein powder.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"207\" data-end=\"245\"\u003eHe wasn’t \u003cem data-start=\"217\" data-end=\"226\"\u003eagainst\u003c\/em\u003e exercise, exactly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"247\" data-end=\"300\"\u003eHe just preferred to support it from a safe distance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"302\" data-end=\"606\"\u003eWhenever someone told him he needed to get more active, Gary would point out that he walked to the refrigerator several times a day, routinely carried multiple grocery bags into the house in a single trip, and had once sprinted nearly thirty feet after hearing the ice cream truck coming down the street.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"608\" data-end=\"689\"\u003eAs far as he was concerned, his cardiovascular system had been thoroughly tested.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"691\" data-end=\"722\"\u003eBesides, Gary had a philosophy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"724\" data-end=\"784\"\u003e“If something is chasing me,” he would say, “I’ll exercise.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"786\" data-end=\"841\"\u003eNobody realized how prophetic those words would become.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"843\" data-end=\"900\"\u003eIt all started on a perfectly ordinary Tuesday afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"902\" data-end=\"1046\"\u003eGary was sitting on the couch watching a documentary about people climbing mountains for fun when his neighbor, Brandon, jogged past the window.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1048\" data-end=\"1073\"\u003eBrandon jogged every day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1075\" data-end=\"1080\"\u003eRain.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1082\" data-end=\"1087\"\u003eSnow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1089\" data-end=\"1094\"\u003eHeat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1096\" data-end=\"1101\"\u003eCold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1103\" data-end=\"1130\"\u003eProbably during hurricanes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1132\" data-end=\"1154\"\u003eGary didn’t trust him.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1156\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003eNo normal person willingly ran when nobody was chasing them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1218\" data-end=\"1399\"\u003eBrandon owned enough workout clothes to open a sporting-goods store, ate something called “overnight oats,” and occasionally used the phrase \u003cem data-start=\"1359\" data-end=\"1374\"\u003epersonal best\u003c\/em\u003e in regular conversation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1401\" data-end=\"1447\"\u003eGary considered all of this deeply suspicious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1449\" data-end=\"1532\"\u003eHe took another bite of his sandwich and watched Brandon disappear down the street.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1534\" data-end=\"1560\"\u003e“Show-off,” Gary muttered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1584\"\u003eThen someone screamed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1586\" data-end=\"1597\"\u003eGary froze.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1599\" data-end=\"1623\"\u003eAnother scream followed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1641\"\u003eThen three more.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1643\" data-end=\"1674\"\u003eHe slowly lowered his sandwich.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1676\" data-end=\"1727\"\u003eOutside, a man stumbled across the neighbor’s lawn.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1729\" data-end=\"1762\"\u003eGary squinted through the window.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1764\" data-end=\"1792\"\u003eThe man’s clothing was torn.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1794\" data-end=\"1815\"\u003eHis skin looked gray.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1817\" data-end=\"1909\"\u003eHe walked with the coordination of someone who had just gotten off a spinning carnival ride.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1911\" data-end=\"1937\"\u003eThen another one appeared.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1939\" data-end=\"1952\"\u003eThen another.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1954\" data-end=\"1966\"\u003eGary stared.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1968\" data-end=\"1975\"\u003e“Nope.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"1977\" data-end=\"2044\"\u003eWithin minutes, the neighborhood had descended into complete chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2046\" data-end=\"2080\"\u003eCars were abandoned in the street.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2082\" data-end=\"2121\"\u003ePeople were running in every direction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2123\" data-end=\"2168\"\u003eSomeone’s garbage cans had been knocked over.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2170\" data-end=\"2198\"\u003eA lawn flamingo was missing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2200\" data-end=\"2296\"\u003eAnd an increasingly large group of unmistakably undead people was shuffling toward Gary’s house.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2298\" data-end=\"2321\"\u003eGary grabbed his phone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2358\"\u003eEmergency alerts filled the screen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2360\" data-end=\"2387\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2360\" data-end=\"2387\"\u003eUNKNOWN VIRAL OUTBREAK.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2389\" data-end=\"2420\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2389\" data-end=\"2420\"\u003eAVOID INFECTED INDIVIDUALS.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2422\" data-end=\"2439\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2422\" data-end=\"2439\"\u003eSEEK SHELTER.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2441\" data-end=\"2474\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2441\" data-end=\"2474\"\u003eDO NOT APPROACH THE INFECTED.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2476\" data-end=\"2502\"\u003eGary looked outside again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2504\" data-end=\"2547\"\u003e“Yeah, I figured that last one out myself.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2549\" data-end=\"2586\"\u003eThen he noticed something terrifying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2588\" data-end=\"2620\"\u003eThe zombies were getting closer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2622\" data-end=\"2668\"\u003eGary immediately began preparing for survival.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2670\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003eHe grabbed a flashlight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2696\" data-end=\"2717\"\u003eTwo bottles of water.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2734\"\u003eA bag of chips.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2736\" data-end=\"2757\"\u003eAnother bag of chips.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2759\" data-end=\"2787\"\u003eA family-sized bag of chips.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2789\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003eThen he stopped.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2807\" data-end=\"2825\"\u003e“Too much weight.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2827\" data-end=\"2859\"\u003eHe reluctantly put one bag back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003eSurvival required sacrifice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2891\" data-end=\"2948\"\u003eGary stepped outside and discovered something even worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2950\" data-end=\"2985\"\u003eBrandon was standing in the street.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"2987\" data-end=\"2998\"\u003eStretching.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3000\" data-end=\"3020\"\u003eActually stretching.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3022\" data-end=\"3051\"\u003eDuring the zombie apocalypse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3094\"\u003e“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Gary said.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3096\" data-end=\"3116\"\u003eBrandon looked over.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3118\" data-end=\"3142\"\u003e“Gary! We need to move!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3144\" data-end=\"3186\"\u003eGary pointed toward the approaching horde.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3188\" data-end=\"3200\"\u003e“You think?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3202\" data-end=\"3275\"\u003eThen Brandon did exactly what Gary had always feared he would someday do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3277\" data-end=\"3296\"\u003eHe started running.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3298\" data-end=\"3319\"\u003eNot panicked running.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3321\" data-end=\"3343\"\u003eNot terrified running.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3345\" data-end=\"3360\"\u003eProper running.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3362\" data-end=\"3378\"\u003ePerfect posture.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3380\" data-end=\"3394\"\u003eSmooth stride.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3396\" data-end=\"3417\"\u003eControlled breathing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3419\" data-end=\"3486\"\u003eThe man looked like he was filming a commercial for athletic shoes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3488\" data-end=\"3512\"\u003eGary took off after him.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3514\" data-end=\"3582\"\u003eFor approximately eleven seconds, everything went surprisingly well.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3584\" data-end=\"3627\"\u003eThen Gary’s lungs filed a formal complaint.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3629\" data-end=\"3661\"\u003eHis knees requested arbitration.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3663\" data-end=\"3704\"\u003eHis lower back submitted its resignation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3706\" data-end=\"3716\"\u003e“BRANDON!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3718\" data-end=\"3738\"\u003eBrandon looked back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3740\" data-end=\"3747\"\u003e“What?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3749\" data-end=\"3756\"\u003e“WAIT!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"3769\"\u003e“For what?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3771\" data-end=\"3797\"\u003e“I DON’T KNOW! SOMETHING!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3799\" data-end=\"3852\"\u003eBehind Gary, the zombies continued shuffling forward.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3854\" data-end=\"3870\"\u003eGary ran harder.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3872\" data-end=\"3908\"\u003eBrandon casually increased his pace.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3910\" data-end=\"3941\"\u003eThe distance between them grew.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"3943\" data-end=\"4021\"\u003eGary suddenly remembered every opportunity he had ever been given to exercise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4023\" data-end=\"4099\"\u003eThe treadmill he bought three years earlier and turned into a clothing rack.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4101\" data-end=\"4197\"\u003eThe gym membership he kept paying for because canceling it required actually driving to the gym.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4199\" data-end=\"4299\"\u003eThe exercise bike in the basement that still had the instruction manual hanging from the handlebars.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4301\" data-end=\"4379\"\u003eEvery time someone had said, “You know, even twenty minutes a day would help.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4381\" data-end=\"4406\"\u003eGary regretted all of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4408\" data-end=\"4432\"\u003eHe regretted everything.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4434\" data-end=\"4444\"\u003e“BRANDON!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4446\" data-end=\"4454\"\u003e“What?!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4456\" data-end=\"4482\"\u003e“WHY DO YOU RUN SO FAST?!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4484\" data-end=\"4502\"\u003e“I RUN EVERY DAY!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4504\" data-end=\"4517\"\u003eGary wheezed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4519\" data-end=\"4568\"\u003e“THAT SEEMS EXTREMELY UNHELPFUL TO ME RIGHT NOW!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4570\" data-end=\"4619\"\u003eAnother zombie appeared from behind a parked car.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4621\" data-end=\"4644\"\u003eGary changed direction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4646\" data-end=\"4754\"\u003eFor perhaps the first time in human history, Gary experienced genuine enthusiasm for cardiovascular fitness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4756\" data-end=\"4784\"\u003e“I GET IT NOW!” he screamed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4786\" data-end=\"4813\"\u003eNobody asked what he meant.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4815\" data-end=\"4839\"\u003e“I UNDERSTAND EXERCISE!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4841\" data-end=\"4865\"\u003eThe zombies kept coming.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4867\" data-end=\"4885\"\u003eGary kept running.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4887\" data-end=\"4944\"\u003eBrandon kept effortlessly disappearing into the distance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"4946\" data-end=\"5081\"\u003eAnd somewhere between complete exhaustion and overwhelming terror, Gary discovered the greatest fitness secret humanity had ever known:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5083\" data-end=\"5102\"\u003eMotivation matters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5104\" data-end=\"5140\"\u003eSome people exercise to lose weight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5142\" data-end=\"5172\"\u003eSome exercise to build muscle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5174\" data-end=\"5198\"\u003eSome want better health.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5200\" data-end=\"5222\"\u003eSome want more energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5224\" data-end=\"5355\"\u003eAnd some people apparently require an undead horde trying to eat them before they finally decide cardio might be worth considering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5357\" data-end=\"5386\"\u003eGary survived that afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5388\" data-end=\"5395\"\u003eBarely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5397\" data-end=\"5541\"\u003eThe next morning, Brandon found him standing outside wearing sweatpants, old sneakers, and the thousand-yard stare of a man who had seen things.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5543\" data-end=\"5578\"\u003e“You going running?” Brandon asked.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5580\" data-end=\"5592\"\u003eGary nodded.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5594\" data-end=\"5614\"\u003e“Wow. What changed?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5616\" data-end=\"5647\"\u003eGary looked toward the horizon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5649\" data-end=\"5714\"\u003eIn the distance, several zombies wandered between abandoned cars.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5716\" data-end=\"5737\"\u003eHe stretched one leg.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5739\" data-end=\"5754\"\u003eThen the other.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5756\" data-end=\"5835\"\u003e“Turns out,” Gary said, “I finally found an exercise program I can stick with.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5837\" data-end=\"5852\"\u003eBrandon smiled.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5854\" data-end=\"5887\"\u003e“That’s great. What’s your goal?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5889\" data-end=\"5908\"\u003eGary stared at him.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5910\" data-end=\"5920\"\u003e“My goal?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5922\" data-end=\"5952\"\u003eHe pointed toward the zombies.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5954\" data-end=\"5984\"\u003e“I don’t have to outrun them.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"5986\" data-end=\"6015\"\u003eGary tightened his shoelaces.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6017\" data-end=\"6052\"\u003eThen he looked directly at Brandon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6054\" data-end=\"6112\"\u003e“I just have to make sure they catch somebody else first.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6114\" data-end=\"6207\"\u003eAnd that is how Gary became the most reluctant fitness enthusiast in Warped Holidays history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6209\" data-end=\"6235\"\u003eNot because he wanted abs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6237\" data-end=\"6277\"\u003eNot because he wanted to run a marathon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6279\" data-end=\"6343\"\u003eNot because he suddenly discovered a passion for healthy living.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6345\" data-end=\"6382\"\u003eGary exercised for one simple reason:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6384\" data-end=\"6396\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"6384\" data-end=\"6396\"\u003eZombies.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"auto\" data-start=\"6398\" data-end=\"6481\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eWhich, when you think about it, is still more motivating than most gym memberships.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":56309776843044,"sku":"30153808476766786303","price":21.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":56309776875812,"sku":"31432649988056782859","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0827\/0535\/0948\/files\/14767901083324661022_2048.jpg?v=1789601719","url":"https:\/\/www.warpedholidays.com\/products\/why-exercise-zombies-black-coffee-mug-funny-halloween-horror-gift-11oz-15oz","provider":"Warped Holidays","version":"1.0","type":"link"}